Microsoft and Sun, the Real Story
So one day, Scott McNealy, founder and chairman of Sun, read in his morning newspaper how the use of Java was rapidly diminishing, courtesy of something called 'The LAMP Stack'. Furiously, he called his accountant.
Scott: "I knew this Java thing was a bad idea in the first place! I see only one solution. We need to buy this Lamp!"
Accountant: "Euh, LAMP is not a company. It's an acronym. It's Linux , Apache, MySQL and PHP"
Scott: "Then buy me Linux!"
Accountant: "But we still have this Solaris thing.."
Scott: "Then buy me Apache!"
Accountant: "That's a foundation. Nothing to buy there."
Scott: "Then buy me MySQL!"
Accountant: "We don't do databases."
Scott: "It's a database?"
Accountant: "What rock have you been living under?"
Scott: "Sweet. I can own the Lamp AND piss off Oracle at the same time!" (waves fake plastic magic wand) "Make it so!"
And so it happened.
Ten days later, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer was reading the CIO Magazine, and read about this interesting thing called PHP, that according to the author you could use to write "WHAT?!". "WHAT?!", obviously a highly advanced and evolved version of "Hello World", caught his attention. So he called Bill Gates.
Steve: "Hey, you heard about this PHP thing?"
Bill: "Pee Age Pee? You're not that old yet, are you?"
Steve: "What? No, wait, it's a programming language, apparently better than ASP.NET."
Bill: "Who cares if it's better. I mean; we made the worst operating systems ever and still rule. (Checked out Leopard yet? It is SO cool.)"
Steve: "I don't know Bill... remember that internet thing that we didn't know about years ago? Kind of nearly missed the boat there."
Bill: "Right. Didn't we solve that in the same way? Worst browser, highest market share, that sort of thing?"
Steve: "Yes we did, but then we also didn't know about this 'mp3' thing until it was too late."
Bill: "We did manage to make Zune the worst player, but somehow we're not market leader. Guess we got sloppy?"
Steve: "Maybe it's just different times. Maybe we should have a different strategy."
Bill: "Ok, so let's just buy PHP then."
Steve: "It's not a company. But Encarta says it's written by a Rasmus Lerdorf."
Bill: "So let's hire him."
Steve: "Tried that. Didn't want to join. Can't blame him, works at Yahoo."
Bill: "Then I guess we'll have to buy Yahoo."
So it happened.
Two of the most controversial announcements of this month, and both appear to be part of devious plots to take over the LAMP stack. What's next? My prediction: Red-Hat buys Zend; Oracle buys Red-Hat; Sun and IBM join forces to buy Oracle, Microsoft buys Sun, kills IBM and peace is restored in the galaxy.
P.S. Can you imagine Microsoft running sites like Flickr? These guys invented MS Paint!
Entries (RSS)
February 2nd, 2008 at 1:00 am
Microsoft and Sun, the Real Story…
Did you see the post at http://www.jansch.nl...
February 2nd, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Ivo, you rule !
I just love this story. Maybe the studios in Hollywood should make a film of all this. Might be a long time block-buster.
Till next time,
Michelangelo
February 2nd, 2008 at 5:41 pm
“Microsoft buys Sun, kills IBM and peace is restored in the galaxy.”… is it a happy end?
February 3rd, 2008 at 5:59 am
I don’t see where the customer value gets created if Microsoft swallows Yahoo. Now, if Sun and Yahoo got together and started building services platforms a la Amazon, that would be something I would like to see…
February 3rd, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Very interesting fiction, if you wanted to have happy end, it should have been like, Sun has acquired Google, and they work together to beat Microsoft team and rule the software world.
Well Written
February 3rd, 2008 at 5:24 pm
They need to keep their hands off my beloved PHP
February 3rd, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Jejejeje, very funny
February 3rd, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Jejeje, very funny!!
February 3rd, 2008 at 8:31 pm
If MS was actually concerned about PHP, they wouldn’t have natively integrated it into IIS7, especially considering it runs 800% faster on IIS7 than it does on Apache.
MS must be very afraid.
February 3rd, 2008 at 10:23 pm
very funny, I just laughed my off!
February 3rd, 2008 at 10:25 pm
[...] edit: originally not from javalobby but from http://www.jansch.nl/ [...]
February 4th, 2008 at 7:39 am
nice, could not stop laughing, i think eventually one day google will buy MS, others will join hand with google for fear of being swalloed by gaint called GOOGLE
February 4th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Worst post ever. Proving yet again how sophomoric the PHP group is.
February 4th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
They invented MS Paint, yes. They also invented photosynth. http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/129
i rest my case
February 4th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
No matter microsoft and yahoo merge the google will still be the king of internet…sorry bill…
http://roshanbh.com.np
February 5th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
[...] wonder the real reasons behind that buys? You can read this ‘behind the story’ article, but don’t expect a real story, because it’s just a silly conjecture of one of PHP [...]
February 5th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
LOL….This is hilarious. Funny but true. I”ll be waiting for the upcomming posts: Microsoft Owns LAMP.
February 5th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
[...] Microsoft and sun the real storySo one day, Scott McNealy, founder and chairman of Sun, read in his morning newspaper how the use of Java was rapidly diminishing, courtesy of something called ‘The LAMP Stack’. Furiously, he called his accountant… (a funny view about Sun’s buying Submitted: 1 minute ago Category: Technology Submitter: RssFeed Website: http://www.jansch.nl Report this link: Click here to report Comments: 0 [...]
February 6th, 2008 at 5:35 am
[...] And there it is…has been for the last ten years: PHP the server-side web scripting language, unchallenged and undefeated (until Microsoft buys us out). [...]
February 6th, 2008 at 10:46 am
[...] http://www.jansch.nl/2008/02/02/microsoft-and-sun-the-real-story/ [...]
February 6th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
[...] hier gibt es das Original klicken [...]
February 8th, 2008 at 4:51 am
No matter what - MS does Googel is hard to stop by.
On the the real story about LAMP - and SUN buying Mysql - thats a good point .
But MS for yhaoo - is just a logical sense not becuse they do not want to compete with google in search they do , but Microsogt is aslo trying its LIve paltform heavily which nesds heavy cluster
of machines. Reality is Googel and Yahoo made the search business to enter in nearly impossible becuas the amount of invetsment you are up and running, but If you can leaverage their infrastructure then why not. Buying Yahoo makes lot of sense for MS, but not fo end uses like us. It will be bad for community which belives in openness.
February 9th, 2008 at 12:07 am
[...] And there it is…has been for the last ten years: PHP the server-side web scripting language, unchallenged and undefeated (until Microsoft buys us out). [...]
February 10th, 2008 at 1:28 am
[...] попал под влияние ажиотажа вокруг LAMP (Sun покупает MySQL, MS пытается купить Yahoo, гонясь за PHP, Google [...]
April 6th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
[...] Microsoft and Sun, the Real Story [...]
April 24th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Wow…your kind of an idiot.
May 10th, 2008 at 1:06 am
[...] Microsoft and Sun, the Real Story >> [...]
December 18th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
very funny indeed, stumbled.
December 18th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
It’s hilarious except for the fact that I do believe the Zune is way better than the iPod (with the exception of the iPhone/Touch).
January 1st, 2010 at 9:17 pm
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